Showing posts with label Stop Dressing Your Six-Year-Old Like a Skank. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Stop Dressing Your Six-Year-Old Like a Skank. Show all posts
Sunday, May 18, 2008
The Sunday Salon: Vacation Reading
Just one of the many fabulous parts of vacation is the huge amount of time I can devote to reading. Most of my vacation reading takes place during the car trip; in this case, the trip was a total of 16 hours round-trip, and I probably read for 10-12 of those hours. Dr. H. likes to listen to an audiobook; my teenager reads, sleeps, and listens to his iPod (sometimes all at the same time); and the younger two alternate between watching DVDs and playing.
Growing up, car trips were much different. For one thing, my father liked to wake us up around 2 a.m. to get started on a trip. In those days before carseats and mandatory seatbelts, we kids had the luxury of traveling with the seats folded down in the back of our big blue station wagon, sunk deep in a pile of blankets and pillows. Also, my mother heavily dosed us with Dramamine (even though we weren't prone to car sickness), so we slept pretty much the whole way, awakening every few hours for a groggy rest stop. When we did clear out of our drug-induced stupor, we sang. My parents would start with old college fight songs (University of Illinois) and head into "Clementine," "I've Been Working on the Railroad," and "Waltzing Matilda" (which I learned around age 12, by the way, is the correct title for what I always thought was "Walt and Matilda"). We rarely stopped to eat; my mother packed sandwiches, oranges, and possibly a treat or two. I desperately wanted to toss the ham sandwich out the window then in favor of McDonalds back then; now the thought of McDonalds makes me cringe.
But I digress. While I do have fond memories of traveling as a child, truthfully, we kids probably slept the majority of our trips and my mother probably sat in her seat reading while my father drove. Just like we do now. And so I managed to read four books during our four day vacation: John Grisham's The Appeal (my review here), the hilarious Stop Dressing Your Six-Year-Old Like a Skank by Celia Rivenbark (my review here), Alice McDermott's lovely Child of My Heart (my review here), and the beautiful Astrid and Veronika by Linda Olsson, which I've not yet reviewed. Except for the Grisham novel, the reading was exceptionally good and satisfying.
I'm now reading Mildred Walker's Winter Wheat, which so far is wonderful--very reminiscent of Willa Cather's My Antonia. This week I'm planning to get my TBR list finished and up on my blog solely so that I can have the satisfaction of publicly crossing off books as I read them. I'm not sure what that says about me, except that I'm one of those people who likes to cross things off of lists. Probably I will even list books that I've read recently for the sheer pleasure of the crossing-out process.
Friday, May 16, 2008
Book Review: Stop Dressing Your Six-Year-Old Like a Skank
It's almost embarrassing for me to read a Celia Rivenbark book because I sometimes cannot control my laughter, to the point that I am snorting and practically in need of an oxygen tank. Like We're Just Like You, Only Prettier (my review here), this book by Rivenbark is a running commentary on various absurdities in America, and, particularly, in the South. You don't have to be a Southerner, or a transplant, to appreciate Rivenbark's books, however; her satire transcends the South, and she hits on subjects ranging from parenting to ballet to cancer-smelling dogs.
On parenting: "If you ask me, the Supernanny should put the parents, not the kids, in the naughty room and not let them out until Mom promises to buy some clothes that fit and Dad can stop being such a wimp. ('Brandon calls his Mama names and I just wanna cry!') Grow a spine, you freak. It's time to 'man up'!
On ballet: "Ballet is beautiful, but I'm a new soul, incapable of appreciating scene after scene of young girls standing on their toes and mincing about and then standing on their toes and mincing about some more. And the plots? Sneaky fairies and magic feathers and stuff. Oh, just let me eat my own flesh till I quietly disappear."
On cancer-smelling dogs: "I hate to admit this, but it's obvious: Dogs have it all over my beloved but totally useless housecats. I could drive up to the house on four flat tires, with a ticking bomb and a kilo of cocaine in the trunk, tumors hanging off me as big as pie plates. and my selfish cats would just yawn, stretch, and go back to sleep."
Pulled-out of context, these quotes can't possibly do Rivenbark justice. I am really not a comedy person, but writers like Dave Barry and Celia Rivenbark send me into hysterics. And that's a fun place to be, even when it does leave the rest of my family saying, "What? What? What's so funny?" Some things you just can't explain.
On parenting: "If you ask me, the Supernanny should put the parents, not the kids, in the naughty room and not let them out until Mom promises to buy some clothes that fit and Dad can stop being such a wimp. ('Brandon calls his Mama names and I just wanna cry!') Grow a spine, you freak. It's time to 'man up'!
On ballet: "Ballet is beautiful, but I'm a new soul, incapable of appreciating scene after scene of young girls standing on their toes and mincing about and then standing on their toes and mincing about some more. And the plots? Sneaky fairies and magic feathers and stuff. Oh, just let me eat my own flesh till I quietly disappear."
On cancer-smelling dogs: "I hate to admit this, but it's obvious: Dogs have it all over my beloved but totally useless housecats. I could drive up to the house on four flat tires, with a ticking bomb and a kilo of cocaine in the trunk, tumors hanging off me as big as pie plates. and my selfish cats would just yawn, stretch, and go back to sleep."
Pulled-out of context, these quotes can't possibly do Rivenbark justice. I am really not a comedy person, but writers like Dave Barry and Celia Rivenbark send me into hysterics. And that's a fun place to be, even when it does leave the rest of my family saying, "What? What? What's so funny?" Some things you just can't explain.
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